It’s NOT agoraphobia, that’s the good news. The rest of the news, however, is that I’m losing all of my senses, and THAT explains the “hesitation” to go anywhere!
Here’s a generally annoying problem (for you and me both!): sense hypersensitivity. (I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s really, technically called; but don’t bet the farm just yet!) Like migraine/brain disease sensitivity! (What the hell: let’s blame it on the AVM!)
I’ll start with hearing. How stupid is it to need to say “uh, excuse me, but please turn the newspaper page more quietly”? So I remove myself. Then I bought real earmuffs (I swear, there’re like airline quality!) but I’m too ashamed to wear in public.
And then there’s sight. OK, yes, I’m older, and the bifocals I got make me THINK I see things when I wear them due to the split lens, and I do indeed have some age-related retina problems, but … I think I’m actually seeing things! Not the “fun” stuff, like little people dancing around, or scary bodiless heads coming out of the walls (yes, I’ve heard of both with regard to brain things), but flashes/blurs, whatever. (I think my ex-cat is visiting, though, so it may be her – if so, no worries!) (But I can see enough, however, to see the shapes of my neighbors and that makes me too ashamed to wear my super-dooper earmuffs outdoors (even tho I need them to deal with the noises of urban/suburban living).
I can’t taste, which doesn’t really surprise me since I’ve smoked most of my life (and B cooks now), but my sense of smell is ridiculous!
And my balance, which has been bad for years, now includes dizziness, which it didn’t before.
And I just found out that I get carsick again. (Oh joy! What next? Allergy to bee stings? Night terrors?)
WTF, Alfie?